Obsession
It all starts with an obsession. Some kind of pounding idea you can’t get rid off. It kills you and so do the nightmares that come after it. In those nightmares I can hear a baby crying, I start to look for him and, surprisingly, the more I chase the sound the more unclear it becomes. I lay down and close my eyes with my hands on my belly, something beats in my womb. “Mama” I can hear. He never left, he is always there.
Ugly Girl
“Ugly girl” is guilt, loneliness and self destruction. Not as a victim, but as the one who inflicts harm on others. She is ugly because she is mean, she is in the bell jar even though she hates it. She is mean because she doesn’t want to be hurt, she wants to be respected, she wants to be sensual and her nakedness is the less sensual thing she has. She is brilliant, but she is misunderstood. She is very much the representation of my inside self, who I don’t want to be, locked in my brain.
Blood
She lost her child that for a moment made her feel alive, capable of something bigger. She is so upset about it, she got crazy and lost her mind, her thoughts on it are blurry as you can see. Her child is immense for a newborn because it represents hope. She lost something big, but she keeps pushing. She has a moment of enlightenment before darkness comes after her, she thinks on the sacredness of being only nocturnal, which is life and not the world; of the still animal (or whatever it is) that does not see the light and for whom the womb becomes a tomb. It’s a mystery and it will always remain that way because we are minuscule compared to the mysteries of divinity (which is life itself). With death, apparently, comes darkness, nothingness. We go through the longest of the nights, but remember: even the darkest night will end and the Sun will rise again.
Aube
“Aube” is the sun chasing the shadows away. My own sun, the brightest one. My morning-star. He is emerging from the gloom and he is painted in a more realistic way, with different pigments and techniques because on him there’s no confusion anymore, the sound is a very calming beat, constant. Just light. That morning-star is you.
Love
“Love” is a more thrilling melody, like the waves on a stormy sea. The lovers hold each other while sinking. A shrill sound overwhelms them, but she doesn't let him go and he is unable to leave. They both will inevitably drown, the night is coming back and the Moon embraces the Sun which is also her child, he is confused and sleepy, she is wise and protective. Aube is losing his light. Bonne nuit.
